A Chassidic rabbi was once challenged by a student, “Tell me Rebbe, you teach that you can learn something holy from everything, but really, what can you possibly learn from a telephone, telegraph or airplane?” To which the Rebbe replied, “From a telephone we learn that every word you utter here will be heard over there; from a telegraph we learn that every word counts and we pay for each letter; and from the airplane, a minute late means you've missed the flight. Being prompt matters.”

It's in the spirit of the Rebbe who learned from the telephone, telegraph and airplane that I have a few thoughts to share with you about some time spent at the coast this summer. What is there to learn from the ocean, a kite and rental cars? Let me tell you.

From the ocean, I was reminded about eternity and caution. The ocean is constant, but she is ferocious. Never turn your back on the ocean. Even in the deepest of fog when the waves are invisible, you can still hear the ocean roar. Hearing alone is proof of existence. From kites we flew, I learned that kites are like people. They really want to soar, but they must have decent wind and room to be successful.

But perhaps one of the more surprising bits of wisdom came from a piece of metal located inside our rental car. Traveling as a family in a car is a classroom on negotiation in of itself. Who will sit in the middle? Who chooses the music? Who wants to stop and where?

And then along came Sally. Sally was the name bequeathed, through negotiation, to the rental car's GPS. The Global Positioning System has the amazing computerized ability to navigate from here to there with a small screen fixed to the dashboard. If that were not enough, not only did Sally get us places, but she also served as my personal spiritual coach.

If I were to turn left instead of right, take 101 instead of route 18, in other words, not follow Sally's directions, she would pause, and then ever so evenly, without a flicker of annoyance, she would say one word: “recalculating.”

Sometimes if I made a significant blunder, several wrong turns in a row, in that even voice, she'd say it a few more times as she thought about how to help. Then, just as calmly, Sally would offer a new route, to assist me in returning to the direction, to nudge me without malice back to where I needed to go. Can you imagine if Sally responded to a wrong turn in the way most of us respond to mistakes?

When someone doesn't follow our wishes, and we could well be talking to ourselves, we might feel like saying “You idiot, I told you so. You blew it. You're really lost. Now what are you going to do about it?”

Despite the short term pleasure of blowing our gasket, we just make ourselves more frustrated and fill the car with fog. It is not how we really want to be, nor how we want to be treated.

In Hebrew, the word for anger is Ka-as. The Talmud teaches that “the angry one reaps only anger.” (Kiddushin 41a) Even worse, the Talmud adds, “One who tears his clothes, smashes property or scatters money in anger is as one who worships idols.” This is the strongest condemnation in Jewish terms, as it invokes the one outrageous transgression that strikes at the heart of our monotheistic faith. When we are that angry, the rabbis teach, “A person does not even consider G-d important.” They knew as we know that when we flare up in anger, all of our inner life is given over to the anger. Anger is a consuming fire, all sense melts away and what leaves our mouth can haunt us for decades. Immediately satisfying, yet attended by enduring remorse, defines anger gone wild. No kidding that the rabbis linked unleashed anger to idolatry.

On a most simplistic level, most of us would like other people to be more like Sally when we mess up. How we wish they would be gentle with us and just say “recalculating” without a drop of irritation. Just that one positive word could help us find our way back to the right path. But in the real world, outside of a car, recalculating as a mind set takes a lot of work to master.

Hillel of the 1^st century BCE was known for being incredibly patient. The Talmud relates the story of a young man who just wanted to test him and so he waited one morning until he heard Hillel get into the bath. The young man knocked on his door yelling out: Hillel, Hillel.” “Yes, my child” Hillel replied, coming out with his towel. “Um, could you tell me why people in your country have flat heads?” Yes, it is because our mothers did not turn us in our cribs.”

Returning to his bath, Hillel was again disturbed with loud knocking and yelling, “Hillel, Hillel,” “Yes, my child.” “Can you tell me why some people have more almond shaped eyes? “Yes my child, for those who live in the windy desert, it prevents sand from entering their eyes.” Returning to his bath, Hillel was again disturbed with loud knocking and yelling, “Hillel, Hillel, could you tell me why some people are have flat feet?” “Yes, my son. That is so they can travel further in marshes.” Returning to the bath, he heard the yelling and sobbing, “Hillel, do you know why I am crying?” “No, my child.” “It is because I bet four hundred zuzim that I could provoke you to anger and now I've lost all that money.” “Better you should lose four hundred zuzim” said Hillel calmly, than I lose my temper.”

This past July, our nation, and indeed the world witnessed anger and then recalculations, when Cambridge police Sgt James Crowley a Caucasian man arrested an African-American, Harvard Professor Gates who committed no crime. Arrested as a suspect for breaking into his own home, the Sgt booked Professor Gates nonetheless. President Obama spoke out in anger toward this injustice, smacking of racism, and then, showing strength and humility apologized shortly afterwards for his uncensored reaction of angry words.

While there is more that could be said about the disturbing event and the collective psyche of our country to truly embrace change, my comments this evening focus on the management of anger.

What was most moving was how President Obama took responsibility for allowing anger to control his tongue. His inner GPS led him to the next level, civility, by inviting the primary people involved to his home for a discussion, now known as the Beer Summit.

Recalculating is a way of dealing with ka-as, anger. When Alan Morinis, author of Climbing Jacob's Ladder, a man who bridges the centuries old practice of mussar, spiritual ethics into the modern world, asked his ultra orthodox teacher Rabbi Perr where he should begin in teaching the lessons of practical spiritual tools for the modern Jew, the Rabbi said, “Start with anger. Everyone has it and everyone regrets it.”

I believe this is true. Who doesn't get angry? Who has not experienced the devastating destructiveness of anger? And who has not regretted their anger?

There is anger toward ourselves when we have made poor choices, even unconscious choices for which we wish with every fiber that we could turn back time and do it all differently. There is plain old anger when we are overtired and lack support. There is anger toward others who either inadvertently or advertently disappointed us, acted in ways that have cut into our hearts. There is anger toward the world, politics, loss of employment, health benefits, wars, environment, food shortages, poverty, abuse, theft and cruelty. Anger, ka-as prompts us to lash out.

Judaism has practical tools to help address ka-as, anger. First it teaches us that every trait, even anger is not all bad. Every quality has its role to play in our lives. Traits, like anger only become negative when we have too much or too little of them, or if we allow negative actions to flow from the trait.

There is a Yiddish saying, “Anger is like salt. In small amounts it enhances, but too much spoils everything.” A positive role for anger might be that it is an inner signal that something is wrong and needs to be addressed. What we actually choose to do in response to the anger signal is another question.

Whatever we do, the rabbis wanted us to remember that anger has the potential to ruin everything and so provided some tools for enhancing our ability to recalculate calmly, efficiently and completely.

One lesson the mussar rabbis teach, comes from 17^th century text Orchot Tzadikkim. It says, “When you are angered, try to talk slowly, quietly and never look at the person's face with whom you are furious.” Often a pause before responding, a count to ten, saves a whole lot of regret later. It was with this idea that one rabbi gave himself permission to get angry only if his clothing included wearing his blue shoes. We might understand this to mean that if he was not wearing his blue shoes and he was provoked, he would have to make the effort to get all the way home and exchange shoes.

It is likely that he would not be quite as angry by the time he traveled all the way home. Another rabbi taught that he would only respond when angry after drinking a cup of water.

By creating a space between the flame of anger and the fuse leading to detonation, a little more perspective can be gained. It is not to say by any means that anger is not warranted, what it means is that a calm mind will make more change than an uncensored or God forbid, violent reaction.

Jewish spiritual practice links the trait of humility as an antidote for anger. When we consider that the world does not revolve around us, that everything is not meant to be exactly as we wish it could be, we gain a kind of perspective. And that perspective enables us to think through our words before saying them, allows us to ponder before lashing out in ways we will later regret. Pausing might even turn what could be hurtful into a blessing. Pausing can also provide the space, to turn over the intensity of feeling to God.

There once was a miracle-working rebbe who could look into people's souls and see what it was that they really needed--not just what they wanted, but what was lacking. And he would give them a blessing and, because his connection with the Source of All was so deep and powerful, his words would be fulfilled.

One day some of the rebbe's students came to him and said, “You know, rebbe, there is someone else in town who has the same power that you have. He gives blessings, and the blessings come true!” “Nu? Who is that?” the rebbe asked. “It is the bartender at the inn,” the students told him. The rebbe was surprised because the bartender showed no outward signs of learning, piety or deep spiritual practice. “This I have to see for myself,” he thought.

He removed his rebbe garb and, dressed in ordinary clothes so as not to be recognized, set out for the inn. He observed the bartender for a week and was only further convinced that he possessed no deep knowledge or great spiritual insights. He was an exceedingly simple man. The rebbe was surprised, however, to learn that the bartender did, in fact, pronounce blessings of great power. Each blessing spoke to the need of the person at the moment and would ascend to the highest heavens and produce the changes necessary in the fabric of the universe so that the blessings would come true. Even after watching the bartender during Rosh Hashana, the rebbe was as perplexed as ever. There was no inner light to be seen.

So, after the holidays, the rebbe approached the bartender and revealed himself. “I have been watching you all week,” the rebbe told him. “Rebbe!” proclaimed the bartender. “If I had known it was you…” “But I didn't want you to know that it was me,” interrupted the rebbe. “Did you know that you have the power to give blessings and the blessings come true?” The bartender did not.

“I didn't think so, but you do. Are you one of the hidden righteous ones? Are you a great scholar in secret sent to redeem the world? Is there any great deed you have done to deserve such merit?” To each question the bartender shook his head no. “Do you pray secretly with great devotion? Have you ever talked intimately with God?” Again the bartender was shaking his head, but stopped. “Well, maybe once,” he said. “Tell me about the once” asked the rebbe.

“A few years ago, my business was about to go under. You see, I have a terrible temper. Someone comes into the inn, I don't like the way he looks, I jump over the bar and punch him out. That's not good for business. But what could I do? I have such a terrible temper, and I didn't know how to control it. Things got so bad, we were almost starving. And my wife, she tells me to get a partner. In my heart, I know she's right. I need a partner. But I also know me. With my terrible temper, how could I have a partner? The first time I get angry, I punch him out, and poof!--there goes the partnership! But I had to do something.

So I went into the backyard and my heart broke open and I cried out to God. I said, 'God! Listen to me please. My business is in awful condition. My wife says I need a partner. I know she is right, but I can't take a partner of flesh and blood. My temper is too great for that, and I can't control it. So look, I'm making You my partner. From this moment on, fifty percent of the profit is Yours, and ten percent of my share as well, because, after all, You are God.' So ever since, God has been my partner, and business has gotten better and better.

Even after giving over God's share, I still make 3 times what I used to make, even in the best years.”

The rebbe closed his eyes and thought for a moment. “I think I understand what is happening,” nodded the rebbe, “but tell me, what about your temper?” “What about my temper?! I have a terrible temper. I will always have a terrible temper! I still want to jump over the bar and punch out anybody whose looks I don't like. But I can't do it. I have a Partner. So I wait and I wait, and then I see what it is about this fellow that makes me so angry, and I say, “By God, what you need is such and such!'” The rebbe smiled. “Yes. That's a blessing, you see. What you do is look into the soul of this person who makes you angry. What makes you angry is what is missing in this soul. And then you say, ‘By God,' invoking the name of your Partner. And after all, a partnership is a partnership. If you are holding up your end of the agreement, the Holy One must hold up God's end. So the blessings come true.”

You don't have to be a great rebbe or even a simple inn keeper to turn a provocation into a powerful blessing. Each of us possesses this profound potential to gain mastery over anger when taking a breath and pausing long enough to see what lies underneath. Perhaps in time, to become so discerning as to see what is missing from their soul and ask G-d to bless them with that trait.

Short phrases, Jewish mantras, can be memorized such as “Anger taints the soul, my own and the other” can become a tool to lengthen our fuse, allowing us to recalculate rather than react blindly.

Think about someone you know who seems cool headed most of the time; someone who seems exempt from the energy of irritation and anger. Even when there is a provocation, this individual is able to reframe the situation, using an inner GPS, a God Present State to avoid anger. Unless this individual is simply, incredibly blessed, more than most folks, with a Calm Gene, it is likely that he or she has some kind of spiritual practice. Learning to manage anger is much more than a few tips on Kol Nidrei night, like anything of great value requires regular, ongoing practice.

One of the things we can do for regular spiritual practice is take full advantage of being in this faith community. Attend Shabbat services every Friday, come to Torah study, take a class, help with a program, jump in when you see a need. Beth Shalom is a community of such wonderful people and when we are plugged into this place, our rough edges soften and we can learn much about acceptance, kindness and support.

The Talmud teaches that a person is known by three things: Koso, Kiso and Ka'aso: Koso, refers to a person's cup, the way a person handles a drink, Kiso is a person's pocket and refers to how generous a person is in giving to charity, and ka-aso, is a person's anger.

For those who have disappointed us, hurt us or led us on wrong turns, help us to gain mastery over anger so that we might respond to them with calm words, calm action. For those whom we have disappointed, hurt or led on wrong turns, help them gain mastery over their anger so that they might respond to us with calm words, calm action.

Kol Nidrei. Recalculating.

With God's help and our commitment.

Amen